Halloween

HALLOWEEN (1978): Starring- Donald Pleasance, Jamie Lee Curtis, Nancy Loomis, P.J. Soles, and Charles Cyphers.

Directed by- John Carpenter

First off, Happy Halloween to all! I hope everyone enjoyed my favorite holiday! I know I did...

Secondly, it has been several weeks since my last posts. Sorry about that, but I have just been so busy that I didn't get a chance to watch or review anything.

But now, I'm back, and it is Halloween after all... So I decided to review.... um, "Halloween"!

Boy, do I love this movie. I really don't know what I have to say. It's a classic. It's a Halloween tradition here in the crypt. Everybody knows who Michael Myers is. If you don't, get off of my blog and don't come back until you see this movie! (And, no, the Rob Zombie remake doesn't count!)

All I can think to say is that this movie isn't the high-body-count, gory, nasty slasher film that the remake and all the sequels and rip-offs make it look like. Rather, this movie is a suspenseful, plot-driven thriller. In fact, in this one, Michael only kills four people. Of course, I'm not going to tell you who they are.

Also, this movie is not the original slasher film. Sorry, but it just isn't. "Black Christmas" and "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" both pre-date this movie by several years. And they'd been making movies like this in Italy for years.... But I digress. None of that matters, anyway. This movie is still a classic.

The plot begins with one of the longest point-of-view shots in film history. Young Michael Myers kills his older sister on Halloween night, and then goes comatose. He taken and put in an institution where he is studied by Dr. Sam Loomis (Pleasance, who will never be topped by Malcolm McDowell, NEVER!!).

Years later, Michael escapes and drives away to Haddonfield, Illinois. Dr. Loomis sets off after him, hoping to stop another massacre.

Once in Haddonfield, Michael targets young babysitter, Laurie (Curtis) and her two friends (Loomis and Soles). On Halloween Night, he decides to make his move. For Laurie, her friends, and Dr. Loomis, Halloween will be a night of sheer terror, one that they won't soon forget (at least, not until after the eight sequels, the remake, and its sequel).

It's a deceptively simple plot that offers much more than I just wrote. It's also a plot that has been the inspiration for just about every slasher film made after it.

I guess i should talk about that oh so famous soundtrack, shouldn't I? Well, it deserves every praise that it gets. This movie's soundtrack (composed by John Carpenter) is absolutetly perfect. It's bone-chilling and completely sets the tone for the film.

All of the performances are great. Donald Pleasance is perfect for the role of Dr. Loomis, and he gives one of his best, most memorable performances. Jamie Lee Curtis is the queen of the slasher film scream queens. I love her scream, for one thing. P.J. Soles and Nancy Loomis are both very entertaining in their roles, if a little forgettable. The cast is rounded out by Charles Cyphers ad Sheriff Brackett, giving a good performance, although he's not that central to the film's plot.

But I don't need to say all of that, do I? Everybody knows this movie, whether they know it through the any of the sequels (Maybe I'll get to those next year...) or the new remakes. But let me say this: If you only know this movie through the sequels or remakes, then please go see it now. Buy it, rent it, see it online, look for it on T.V., just give it a chance. You won't be sorry, and you might even get scared by it.

My rating: * * * 1/2 out of * * * *

The Black Cat

THE BLACK CAT (1934): Starring- Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi,

David Manners, Julie Bishop

Directed by- Edgar G. Ulmer

Since I'm still trying to wash out the bad taste left in the back of my throat by FEAR NO EVIL, I decided to get back to the classics, if only for a brief 66 minutes. So, I popped in a copy of THE BLACK CAT. Well, for me, that's the perfect cure for the bad-movie-blues.

While not as well known as the other Universal classics (FRANKENSTEIN, DRACULA, THE WOLF MAN, etc.), this movie is just as great, and I'd be as quick to watch it again as I would to watch some of those others.

But what a weird movie it is. Really, I'm amazed they got away with this one in 1934....

The plot concerns a young married couple, Peter (Manners) and Joan (Bishop), on their honeymoon in Hungary. As they arrive, they end up sharing a cab with with Dr. Vitus Verdegast (Lugosi) and his servant.

While driving through a violent storm (Don't you just love how there's always a storm in these movies?), they end up crashing, which kills the driver. As luck would have it, Verdegast realizes that they are very near the home of his old "friend" Hjalmar Poelzig (Karloff). They arrive at the house and are immediately allowed to stay for the night.

But all is not as it seems. The truth is that Poelzig is a high Satanic priest, and he betrayed Verdegast during WWI, resulting in the deaths of thousands, and Verdegast's long imprisonment. Because of this, Verdegast has harbored a deep hatred for Poelzig, and has come seeking revenge. What he soon learns is that while he was imprisoned, Poelzig married his wife and adopted his daughter. Verdegast also learns that his wife has since died, and Poelzig has encased her body in a glass case, "Preserving her beauty...", and has married Verdegast's daughter.

But things don't end there. Poelzig has plans for Verdegast, and for Peter and Joan.

As I said, this movie was way ahead of its time both in plot, and in style.

The set design, camera work, photography and locations are all perfect and atmospheric.

And the plot... Well, wow. It really is bizarre and dark for the 1930's, with its Satanic rituals, hints of necrophilia, pedophilia, and the particularly nasty fate that befalls Poelzig in the film's final moments. It's also interesting that, by the end of the film, most of the cast (including an entire cult!) is dead. The only thing I could find to explain the title is that Verdegast has a pathological fear of black cats.

As for the acting, all of the performances are excellent, though I never really liked David Manners that much. Well, anyway, this was one of the first films to team Karloff and Lugosi, and they're absolutely phenomenal together. I often wonder if the story about the two actors hating each other in real life is true, because they play off of each other so well. If the rumor is true, I guess that just proves what great actors they both were.

I feel that I should mention that this movie also has some incredible dialogue ("Did you hear that, Vitus? Even the phone is dead....").

So, you should definitely see this one.

My Rating: * * * 1/2 out of * * * *

Fear No Evil

FEAR NO EVIL (1981): Starring- Stefan Arngrim, Elizabeth Hoffman,

Kathleen Rowe McAllen

Directed by- Frank LaLoggia

FEAR NO EVIL. You might not recognize that title. And do you know why you probably don't recognize that title? Because the thing is a fucking piece of garbage that has rightfully fallen into obscurity, that's why!

You may be wondering why, then, did I choose this for my second review? Because I have such a deep, deep hatred for this movie and I just have to get this review out of the way.

I really don't know where to begin with this one, with its nonsensical plot, its incoherent and unsatisfying ending, the awful acting, the idiotic, random death scenes, the pointless zombies who pop up towards the end..... I could go on and on.

In fact, I could really just describe this movie's plot and it would sound bad. You know, I think I will.....

Fade In- We learn, through the most annoying narration I've heard since PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, that the Antichrist is destined to arrive on Earth as a normal human being and be killed by one of the three Archangels before he will arrive on Earth again and bring on the Second Coming of Jesus. We find out that the narration is coming from an elderly priest who is really one of the three archangels.

The priest is on his way to kill the Antichrist, and eventually meets the demon, who does little more than just running around and screaming like he's in immense pain. The priest impales the Antichrist with a giant crucifix, and that does the trick. (Huh, you'd think the human embodiment of all evil would be harder to kill... Oh, well, at least he finally stopped screaming!)

After the main titles, we see the baptism of young Andrew Williams (Arngrim). When the holy water touches his skin, Andrew begins to bleed. This causes everyone to freak out and run away. (Geez... I know that's a weird thing to see, but you would think that at least one person would try to take the bleeding baby to a hospital...)

In what amounts to little more than a five minute montage of voice-overs, we learn that Andrew's parents have been terrified of him ever since the baptism. Fast-forward to the day of Andrew's 18th birthday. Andrew is the quiet outcast at his high school. When he's not denying an offer from the school drug pusher, he's making out with that same guy in the school shower! (Yeah, that happens in this movie....).

Andrew begins to realize that he is the Antichrist, and starts to exercise his powers. He possesses the gym coach and makes him kill a student with a dodgeball (Yes, I'm serious...).

Meanwhile, the girlfriend of the dodgeball-murdered student realizes that she is really the Archangel Gabriel (McAllen). She teams up with the sister (Hoffman) of the elderly priest, who is also an Archangel, and they set off to bring an end to Andrew's evil.

On the night of a church play and the school dance, Andrew decides it's the perfect time to bring about the end of the world. He raises zombies from a local graveyard on a small island (for some reason). Meanwhile, the drug pusher and his friends are throwing a party on the same small island. The zombies make short work of the friends, but the drug pusher and his girlfriend manage to escape. Andrew appears out of nowhere, dressed in nothing but a cape (for some reason...), makes the drug pusher grow breasts (for some reason), makes out with him again (for some reason), and then the kid stabs himself (for some reason)!

Meanwhile, Andrew's dad randomly shoots his wife in the head. And I mean randomly....

The two Archangels arrive on the island and attack Andrew, who does that same damn annoying screaming! They quote Bible verses and then impale him with the same giant crucifix. Andrew then explodes into what looks like a laser light show. THE END.

Really, do I need to say any more? How about the fact that it looks like a bad TV movie? I don't even want to start talking about the Stigmata scene.... Plus, I know this'll probably sound kind of mean, but the lead actress is incredibly unattractive. It honestly looks like she has skin cancer or something. But at least they didn't hire an actress just for her looks, not that she can act very well, either....

Well, I guess I can say at least one nice thing about it. The actor playing Andrew isn't too bad until his screaming fit at the end. And the soundtrack is awesome!

My Rating: * out of * * * *

Frankenstein

FRANKENSTEIN (1931): Starring- Colin Clive, Boris Karloff, Mae Clark,

John Boles, Frederick Kerr, Dwight Frye.

Directed by- James Whale

Well, I said I'd start out with a classic, and with Halloween on its way, what better to start with than that perennial favorite, FRANKENSTEIN?

What more do I need to say than the title? It's a classic. It's timeless. If you haven't seen it then get off of my blog right now!

But seriously, this movie is a classic in every field- The cinematography (just check out that scene that opens with five close-ups!), The dialogue (If you don't know the line "It's alive!" then you definitely need to get off of my blog right now!), and especially, the acting.

Who could forget Boris Karloff's iconic performance as the "Monster"? His performance defined what people imagine when they hear the word "Frankenstein". As for the other performances, well, Colin Clive may just be my favorite mad scientist of all time, and Dwight Frye is excellent as the creepy, sadistic, hunchbacked assistant (No, his name isn't Igor or Ygor, that came later!) Mae Clark makes a somewhat forgettable heroine, which is probably why they replaced her four years later in BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN. Frederick Kerr, who plays Dr. Frankenstein's father, is quite funny in a dry, cantankerous way.

And, while the film hasn't aged well, it still has some great, effective moments, such as the monster trying to touch the sun when he first sees its light, and the somewhat violent-for-its-time death of Dr. Waldman (Van Sloan).

But, once again, do I really need to say all of this? This movie is legendary. Its influence is still on filmmakers to this day. It has stood the test of time, and it is a classic.

My Rating: * * * * out of * * * *

But next time, I won't be reviewing something as good or as influential! In fact, it won't be good at all!

And so, it begins...

Ah, welcome, welcome! Please enter the crypt.... What I'll try to do here is review one of my favorite horror movies each week. Right now I'm still searching through the old titles to find something worthy of my first review, so until then, see you next time.....