Mad Love

MAD LOVE (1935): Starring- Peter Lorre, Frances Drake, Colin Clive, Sara Haden, Edward Brophy, Henry Kolker, Key Luke, May Beatty, Ian Wolfe, and Ted Healy

Directed by Karl Freund

Welcome to the crypt, once again. I think I've been a little too 80s-heavy in my last couple reviews, so today, I'm going all the way back to 1935 with MAD LOVE. It's one of the odder 30's films I've seen. (Which is really saying something, by the way...) Let's begin.

The story centers on Dr. Gogol (Lorre, who's character is never given a first name, oddly enough.) Gogol is a brilliant surgeon, capable of working wonders on patients other doctors have given up on. His sole hobby is the theater, specifically a horror and torture themed theater, and its leading lady, Yvonne Orlac. (Drake) In the opening scene, we find Gogol admiring a wax statue of Yvonne which is placed in the lobby of the theater. After the performance, Gogol makes his way to Yvonne's dressing room, where he proclaims his love for her. Unfortunately, she tells him that she is married to a composer and piano player, Stephen Orlac (Clive), and what's more, she finds Gogol repulsive. Gogol flees the theater, distraught and humiliated.

The next day, Gogol buys the statue and places it in his home. He begins to show signs of madness, talking to the statue as if it were the real thing. Meanwhile, Stephen is on a train to Paris. Also on the train is Rollo (Brophy), a carnival knife thrower on his way to be executed for the murder of his father. Before the train can arrive, it is violently derailed. In the accident, Stephen's hands are mangled horribly. Rollo is unharmed, however, and meets the guillotine as scheduled.

Yvonne, seeing no alternative, takes Stephen to Gogol's clinic and begs the doctor to repair her husband's hands. Gogol is unenthusiastic at first, but soon sees this as an opportunity to become a hero in Yvonne's eyes. He performs the surgery and saves Stephen's hands.

Stephen is pleased at first, but begins to worry as soon as his hands heal. His hands no longer seem like his own. They can no longer play the piano, and they now have the ability to throw knives. Meanwhile, Gogol sinks deeper and deeper into insanity...

This film is great. It's one of the best of it's era and unfairly neglected and underrated by fans and critics alike. To start with, the cast is fantastic, and they all excel in their roles. Peter Lorre gives the best performance of his career as the crazed Dr. Gogol, first evoking sympathy, and then terror and disgust. It's his performance that carries the movie, and it's really fun watching him do so. (Interestingly enough, Charlie Chaplin, upon viewing this movie, called Lorre "the greatest living actor.") Frances Drake and Colin Clive give him excellent support as his intended victims. Drake is at first, very cold and selfish, but soon breaks through and delivers a very vulnerable, if melodramatic, performance. Clive, at first only a supporting character, almost steals the second half of the film in his distraught turn as Orlac. You really feel bad for this guy as he suffers. Another interesting castmember is comedian Ted Healy, most famous for discovering, then mistreating, and then losing the Three Stooges. He plays a nosy reporter, intent on finding out what goes on in Gogol's clinic. He's alright in the role, but he's there mostly for comic relief.

Another asset to this film is it's photography. It was directed by Karl Freund, who shot classics such as METROPOLIS (1927), DRACULA (1931), and also directed THE MUMMY (1932). It really shows that he directed this. The photography, which was groundbreaking in it's day, still looks beatiful and has been speculated as an influence on Orson Welles' CITIZEN KANE (1941). This movie should be shown in filmmaking classes just based on this aspect alone.

Sadly, the movie was largely unsuccessful at the box office, and has been mostly forgotten by audiences. It ended Freund's career as a director, though his career as a cinematographer would continue until his death in 1969. It's also been ingored by critics, but I think that should change. I think MAD LOVE deserves to stand alongside the likes FRANKENSTEIN, DRACULA, BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN, THE MUMMY, and FREAKS as one of the great horror films of the 1930s. My advice to you is to track it down and see for yourself.

My rating- * * * * out of * * * *

In Memoriam

Bill Hinzman,

known as the "Cemetery Zombie" from

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968)

1936-2012

R.I.P.

Fright Night

FRIGHT NIGHT (1985): Starring- Chris Sarandon, William Ragsdale, Amanda Bearse, Stephen Geoffreys, Jonathan Stark, Dorothy Fielding, and Roddy McDowall.

Directed by- Tom Holland

And so, Hollywood's remake fever has struck yet another of my favorite movies...

... Goddamn you, Hollywood. Goddamn you!

However, I'm not here to trash a remake that I haven't even seen yet. (And yes, I do plan on seeing it at some point.) I merely decided that now was as good a time as any to review the original FRIGHT NIGHT. So, without further ado, let's dig in to FRIGHT NIGHT!

The film begins when young horror fan Charlie Brewster (Ragsdale) notices some strange activity in the house next door. He spots his new neighbor, Jerry Dandrige (Sarandon), moving a coffin into his cellar. Soon after this, people soon begin to disappear around town, and Charlie begins to believe that Jerry may be a vampire.

Unfortunately, Charlie can't convince anyone around around that Jerry is a vampire. Both his girlfriend Amy (Bearse) and Evil Ed (Geoffreys), his horror-obsessed classmate, believe that he's losing his mind.

After Jerry, who is indeed a vampire, threatens to kill him, Charlie goes to the one person he believes can help him: washed-up horror movie star, Peter Vincent (McDowall). However, Vincent also thinks Charlie is crazy and merely humours him by performing a "vampire test" on Jerry. During the test, Peter accidentally sees Jerry's lack of reflection in a mirror and is convinced that Charlie is telling the truth.

This realization comes too late, as Evil Ed is soon transformed into a vampire by Jerry, and Amy is kidnapped with the intent of turing her as well. It's up to Charlie and Peter to save Amy and destroy the vampires before more victims are taken.

I LOVE this movie! Like, THE WOLF MAN (1941), this one has held a special place in my heart ever since I was a young minion of terror. I can actually remember staying up late to watch this on AMC's Fear Friday (remember that?) when I was about nine or ten years old. Even at that young age, I knew I had found something special. But, enough of my totally-unbiased nostalgia. On to the movie!

The movie is beautifully shot and edited. It's one of the most well-put together horror movies of the 1980's. And the special effects are top-notch. This movie is one of the pinnacles of special effects and make up in 80's horror movies.

But what makes this movie is its cast. Chris Sarandon is pitch-perfect as Jerry Dandrige, ranging from comedically over-the-top to terrifyingly serious. He takes what could have been a standard movie monster and makes him one of movie history's great vampires. Roddy McDowall is also perfect as washed-up horror star Peter Vincent (Named after Peter Cushing and Vincent Price) The thing is, I don't think we're supposed to like his character initially, but it's just impossible to dislike Roddy McDowall in any role he plays, especially this one. He brings such pathos and sympathy to the role that you immediately enjoy watching him. William Ragsdale is good as Charlie. He brings charm to the character and does a good job of making you root for him. Stephen Geoffreys steals every scene that isn't nailed down as Evil Ed, although his voice can be a bit annoying at times. The only weak link is Amanda Bearse, and it's not that she gives a bad performance. She's just not given much to do other than worry about Charlie and then get kidnapped. With that little given her, she's easily outplayed by the rest of the cast.

Another thing I love about this movie is it's love for the genre. This is the horror geek's horror movie. I think just about every one of us over 10 years old can remember being like Charlie Brewster: staying up late, catching whatever horror movie was showing in the wee odd hours of the night, scaring the hell out of ourselves with said horror movie and losing sleep because of it. It's a movie that makes me think back on my childhood. 

So, in summation, look this movie up. I guarantee it'll be one you enjoy. It carries The Unkown Movie Fan Seal of Approval. And, as for that... other one, I'll get to that later...

My Rating-  *  *  * 1/2   out of   *  *  *  *

Demons

DEMONS (1985): Starring- Urbano Barberini, Natasha Hovey, Karl Zinny, Fiore Argento, Paola Cozzo, Fabiola Toledo, Nicoletta Elmi, Bobby Rhodes, Stelio Candeli, Nicole Tessier, Guido Baldi, Bettina Ciampolino, Guiseppe Mauro Cruciano, Sally Day, and Geretta Geretta.

Directed by Lamberto Bava

Welcome back to the crypt! Have I got a real treat for you today... Like the subject of my (long ago) last review, THE BEYOND, DEMONS is an import from Italy. Also like the BEYOND, it's weird as hell. 

Imagine if you took everything that was great about 80's horror movies and mixed it with everything that was terrible about 80's horror movies. Well, the end result would probably be a lot like this movie. It's got all the trappings: gore, wooden acting, stereotypical characters, a pulsing punk rock soundtrack, random slow motion, and a totally nonsensical plot. And I love every second of it!

The film begins as young Cheryl (Hovey) is walking through the Berlin subway with the strange sensation that she's being followed. It turns out she's right, as a strange man wearing a silver half-mask that seems to be growing out of his face is actively pursuing her. Fortunately, it turns out the man is merely handing out tickets to a free showing at The Metropol, an upscale movie theater. Cheryl requests a second ticket so that she and her friend Kathy (Cozzo) can attend the showing, despite the fact that they have no clue about what the movie is.

Also attending the movie are George (Barberini) and Ken (Zinny), who soon have their eyes set on Cheryl and Kathy. Others in the audience include an arguing husband and wife, a blind man named Werner (One wonders why a blind man would go to the movies...), and Tony the pimp (Rhodes), who looks like he just stepped out of the late 70's.

The movie they are attending is about a group of archeologists searching for an ancient mask in a decrepit tomb. As it turns out, the mask is razor sharp, and if it scratches you, you become a vicious, demon-possessed murderer. Not-so-coincidentally, one of Tony's "friends," Rosemary (Geretta) has made the same mistake with a prop version of the mask which was displayed in the theater's lobby. Of course, the movie turns out to be prophetic, as Rosemary is soon very possessed and murderous, attacking other theater-goers and spreading the possession to them. The survivors soon find themselves trapped in the theater, and must contend with the vicious, slimy minions of hell that are fast approaching them. Meanwhile, a group of Berlin punks manage to break into the theater and soon become fodder for the demon army.

Well, I've got my work cut out for me in describing this one any further. It's... insane. It's one of those movies that doesn't seem to occupy our reality at all. The plot is totally nonsensical, yet seems to have its own weird, internal logic. The dialog ranges from dull to unintentionally (I think) hilarious, and the acting (read: the dubbing) is just out there. And I love every fucking second of it!

On a technical note, the cinematography is fantastic. The movie's colors just jump off the film and spew right into your face. It's probably no coincidence, as Dario Argento was the executive producer, and the director, Lamberto Bava, is the son of the great Mario Bava (BLACK SUNDAY, LISA AND THE DEVIL, BARON BLOOD, etc.) He clearly inherited a fantastic sense of visual style from his father. Plus, the scenery helps out a great deal. The neon-lit streets of Berlin lend a very kinetic, dangerous feel to the exteriors. And I just have to talk about The Metropol. This place looks like the coolest movie theater ever! I mean, it's just awesome. I wish I had a theater like this near where I live. 

The soundtrack, as previously stated, is an excellent mix of great '80's punk and metal, including tracks by Billy Idol, Mötley Crüe, Rick Springfield, Go West, and Claudio Simonetti of famed Italian prog rock band Goblin (another connection to Argento.) Although, to be perfectly honest, the placing of some of the tracks is a little inappropriate and distracting, but I don't care. Just look at that roster of artists. Just look at it. Need I say more...?

And there's one more thing I love about this movie: Tony the Pimp. This guy is great. He's got the John Travolta SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER suit, a gold medallion, and he talks like a mixture of Fred Williamson and Rudy Ray Moore. The second this guy walked into frame, I was rooting for him. Sadly, He doesn't last very long after the demons appear... But, he does reappear in the sequel, DEMONS 2. Maybe I'll cover that one later on...

So, that wraps this one up. It's hilarious, grusome cheese. If you can turn off your brain for the duration, it's a hell of a fun way to spend 90 minutes. Also, I happen to know from personal experience that it makes for a great party movie. So, if you get enough people together who are willing to watch it, pop it in and have a great time.

My Rating- *  *  *    out of    *  *  *  *

The Beyond (I'm back...)

THE BEYOND (1981): Starring- Catriona MacColl, David Warbeck, Sarah Keller, Antoine Saint-John, Veronica Lazar, Giovanni De Nava, Al Cliver, Michele Mirabella, Gianpaolo Saccarola, and Maria Pia Marsala.

Directed by- Lucio Fulci

Well, after a long and unfair hiatus, I've finally returned to you, my little droogies! And I've returned with one of the strangest, goriest, nastiest, most batshit-insane films ever to come out of Italy. (Which is really saying something, by the way...)

THE BEYOND begins in Louisiana in 1927, when a painter named Schweik (Saint-John) is attacked and crucified in the basement of The Seven Doors Hotel. You see, Schweik is also a warlock, and it turns out that the hotel was built over one of the seven gateways to hell, which Schweik has opened using the ancient Book of Eibon. Schweik does his best to explain that he is the only one who can save the hotel, but the angry mob attacking him doesn't listen, continuing with the crucifixion, after which, lye is thrown onto Schweik's corpse.

Flash-forward to 1981. Young Liza (MacColl) is the new owner of the now-defunct Seven Doors Hotel, which she is attempting to fix up. Unfortunately, during the repairs, a terrible "accident" occurs, causing one of her workers to fall from the top of the hotel. Dr. McCabe (Warbeck) is quickly called to the scene, simply stating "This man need to get to a hospital!" (Yeah, no shit...). Later on, Joe the plumber (De Nava) is called to help de-flood the basement. He discovers a crubmling wall, which he proceeds to break down. Unfortunately, this frees Schweik's severely decayed corpse. Schweik crushes Joe's skull and then returns to playing dead, leaving both of them to be taken to the hospital morgue.

Soon after this, Liza encouters a strange young blind woman named Emily (Keller), who warns her to stay away from the hotel, preventing a horrible process from starting over again. Of course, this being a horror movie, Liza doesn't listen. Because of this, things begin to progress very rapidly into a nightmarish torrent of insanity, with bodies piling up, murerous dogs, flesh-eating spiders, ghosts, possessions, acid-washing, and an army of living corpses led by Schweik.

This is a weird movie, to say the least. There are so many questions that this film raises that I could base the rest of this review around them. There's just so much here that's wrong. The english dubbing is terrible, the plot is scattered, the ending is abrupt, and it's very evident that this was made by people who didn't speak English (note the sign that reads "DO NOT ENTRY"). Also, like many zombie films, there are scenes that are just plain infuriating to watch. Despite knowing full well that shots to the head seem to kill these zombies, Dr. McCabe continues to fire all over the place. Just hit them in the head, dammit!

However, the film is highly enjoyable despite these problems. The film looks good, with Fulci's usual eye for visual detail. The special effects, though exceedingly gory, are very well-executed, except for some fake spiders. They look terrible. Also, the film's soundtrack by Italian composer Fabio Frizzi, a frequent Fulci collaborater, is highly catchy and wonderfully atmospheric.

All in all, this is a pretty good movie. If you can manage to turn your brain off, it's a great way to spend 87 minutes. I'd recommend it.

My rating- * * * out of * * * *

Don't Open Till Christmas

DON'T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS (1984): Starring- Edmund Purdom, Alan Lake, Belinda Mayne, Mark Jones, Gerry Sundquist, Kelly Baker, Kevin Lloyd, and Caroline Munro.

Directed by-Edmund Purdom

Well, hello once again, my little minions. Christmas is upon us. To be honest, I've nearly run out of Christmas-themed horror movies to review. There's really not that many of them. And, yes, I know that there were four sequels to SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT, but screw that. I've had enough of that movie for a lifetime. Besides we all know what would eventually pop up if I review those movies:

... Yeah. Not gonna happen. Instead, I've decided that this year, I'll stay as far away from SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT as possible. And what better way to do so that by reviewing a movie that is nearly the exact opposite of that one?

What I mean is that DON'T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS is about a man going round killing people dressed as Santa, as opposed to a man dressed as Santa going round killing regular people. It's also incredibly stupid.

The film begins when a man performing as Santa Claus in an English nightclub being stabbed through the back of the throat with a spear. (How the killer managed to get into a nightclub carrying a spear, we'll probably never know.)

It turns out that this is the most recent in a series of Santa slayings, and Inspector Harris (Purdom) of Scotland Yard is working hard on the case. He interviews the man's distraught daughter, Kate (Mayne) but he turns up no leads in the investigation, though he suspects her boyfriend, Cliff (Sundquist).

Meanwhile, sleazy reporter Giles (Lake) attempts to sell information to another police officer, Sergeant Powell (Jones). Of course, he does this in the most cryptic, mysterious way possible, and all the while, threatening music is playing on the soundtrack. Now, I'm not trying to give anything away, but let's just say that Giles might as well have "I'M TOTALLY NOT THE KILLER" tattooed on his forehead.

While all this is going on, Several more Santas are murdered in increasingly gruesome ways: Such as stabbing, strangling, shooting, and even castration in a public restroom. (I'm dead serious.) I have to ask: are there really this many people just wandering the streets in Santa Claus outfits? I mean, I understand that the movie is set at Christmas time, but that's no excuse. Okay, so there are a few people who dress up as Santa, but that's usually only on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Otherwise, the only place you'll see someone dressed as Santa is at a mall or next to a Salvation Army stand.

Anyway, Kate continues to wonder about her father's murder when she is approached by Giles, who again acts about as suspicious as possible. Mind you, this is only about twenty minutes in. I've already essentially guessed who the killer is probably going to be. Then again, most of the supporting cast seem to be potential murderers. Cliff appears to have a severe anger issue, Giles is sleazy and mysterious, Inspector Harris seems to know just a bit too much about the case, and Gerry (Lloyd) is a porn photographer and slimy as all hell. Plus, most of the Santas are either sexual deviants or drunks or small time crooks. Seriously, we actually see a guy dressed as Santa Claus try to pick up a hooker in this movie. Who knew England was so sleazy in the 80's?

Incidentally, when we do see the killer on screen, he wears a mask that looks quite a lot like Giles' face. So, yeah, fuck any mystery there could possibly be to this movie! I think I'll just end the synopsis here, as it's far too easy to spoil the movie.

Oh, there is one more thing I'd like to mention: Inspector Harris is killed by an exploding Christmas present. I just couldn't help mentioning that.

This is an odd, for lack of a better word, movie. It' something of a hard one to review. You see, halfway through the film's production, director/star Edmund Purdom walked off the set, leaving behind only a few finished scenes. Direction was then taken over for two days by the film's writer, Derek Ford. When he was fired from the production, direction was taken over by the editor, Ray Selfe. Purdom returned for two scenes and then left the set permanently. New footage was shot, including gory inserts in the murder sequences, and was then added to the Purdom footage.

This creates a problem with the film, as Purdom plays the movie's central character, yet he isn't around for half of the movie. What we get is the rest of the cast basically describing what's happening off screen. The end product is a jumbled mish-mash of a movie. Characters appear and disappear from the plot very rapidly, important plot points take place off screen, and sometimes the footage honestly doesn't fit together that well.

But, what it lacks in narrative coherence, it makes up for in nasty murders and nasty Santas. It really seems as if this movie hates Christmas. In fact, this movie was released the same year as SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT. So, that movie is greeted with controversy and picket signs, yet this movie just slips under the radar? Apparently, it's okay if twelve different Santas are killed in increasingly violent ways, but Santa simply cannot do the killing.

I'm not really sure what to say about this one. It's not very good, but it's not awful, either. It just sort of sits there, dull and flat. There's really no motivation anyone could possibly have for seeing it. I mean, who am I supposed to recommend this to? I guess, people who hate Santa Claus...?

Yeah, that'll work. If you have a homicidal rage toward Santa Claus, then this is the Christmas movie for you!

My rating: * * out of * * * *

Until next time, goodbye, and have a very Merry Christmas!

Plan 9 from Outer Space

PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE (1959): Starring- Gregory Walcott, Mona McKinnon, Duke Moore, Tom Keene, Tor Johnson, Paul Marco, Dudley Manlove (no, I'm not making that name up), Johanna Lee, John Breckinridge, Lyle Talbot, Conrad Brooks, Vampira (I'm not making that name up, either), Criswell, Tom Mason, and Bela Lugosi.

Directed by- Ed Wood.

Ah, Ed Wood, you magnificent, brilliant, insane bastard. Who else could have given us the movies you gave us?


For those of you who don't know him, Ed Wood is almost universally hailed and beloved as the worst director of all time. He brought us some of the worst, cheesiest, most insane and hilariously awful films of their time. And many movie fans, myself included, happen to love his movies for this very reason. In fact, I'm not ashamed to admit, PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE happens to be a Halloween tradition for me.


So, without further ado, let's get on with the review!





The movie begins with a brief prologue, entitled "Criswell Predicts", in which popular "psychic" Criswell gives us a prediction for the future. FYI, this is Criswell:

Criswell has some wonderful advice to give us, such as: "My friends, you are interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives!" or "Future events, such as these, will affect you in the future!" Anyway, he attempts to make the claim that this movie was based on a true story (it wasn't) and we get on with the plot.

The film begins with the funeral of a young woman (played by former late-night TV hostess, Vampira). At the exact same moment, flying saucers are spotted in the sky, hovering over the graveyard. The young woman then rises from the grave and kills two gravediggers by raising her arms.

The next morning, the woman's husband (played by stock footage of Bela Lugosi) is distracted by his grief over her death, and is killed offscreen in a car accident. The man is also resurrected (now played by an obvious double).

Soon after, the gravediggers' bodies are discovered, and the police are called in, led by Inspector Clay (Tor Johnson, whose dialog is completely incomprehensible.) The old man and his wife make short work of Clay, and he is later resurrected as well.

The zombies (all three of them) and the flying saucers continue to terrorize the small town, and Earth is left with pilot Jeff Trent (Walcott) as it's only hero. We're doomed.

It so happens that a race of aliens is responsible for bringning back the dead as zombies in the hopes that this will stop humanity from creating a grand weapon that would destroy all life on Earth. So, their solution to the destruction of humanity is to destroy humanity? Makes sense, I guess...

I could write an essay on all the mistakes in this movie. There are numerous gravestones that are knocked over accidentally by the actors, the special effects are bad (and I don't mean 1950's bad, I mean hilariously bad), the dialog is stilted and silly, and most of the acting is downright awful.

Take, for instance, the flying saucers. I could describe them, but instead I've included a picture of them:

I think that photo speaks for itself.

How about the zombies? These are supposed to be terrifying, frightening creatures that will make humanity change its ways. And what do they look like, you may ask? Well, this:

Or, they look like this:

Not too intimidating, are they?

But, by far my favorite part of this of this movie has got to be the Lugosi character. You see, Ed Wood was a good friend of Lugosi towards the end of his life, and Lugosi starred in two of Wood's previous films. Unfortunately, the actor died shortly before filming of PLAN 9 began. However, Wood had leftover footage of Lugosi, and decided to splice it into the movie and market it as being Lugosi's last film. But Lugosi's character is rather central to the plot. So, half the time, we see stock footage of Lugosi, and half the time we see a double who looks nothing like Lugosi. Allow me to illustrate.

This is what the real Lugosi looked like at the time:

And this is what the double looks like:

Having trouble seeing the double's face? Well, too bad, because he does that "cape over the face" move every time he's on screen.

You know, I really should give this a negative review. I really should. There's absolutely nothing good about it, but it's just so damned entertaining. I can't bring myself to hate it. This movie is the very definition of the phrase "So bad it's good." It's really a lot of fun.

Does that mean that I'm recommending PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE? Well, let's put it this way: As a movie, it's terrible. But as a bad movie, it's a grade-A masterpiece! Besides, there are many worse ways to spend 70 minutes.

My rating: Rating this film is a somewhat difficult task, so I've decided to give it two ratings.

Regular movie scale: * out of * * * *

Trash movie scale: * * * * out of * * * *